


I Know it to be True

by Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire



Series: The Path You Choose [2]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: AU of Card Justice - A Price to Pay, Angst, Canon Compliant, Carry On Tarot, Death Card, Engagement, Fluff, Fluffy Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow, Gentle Simon Snow, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Light mention of sex, M/M, Magickal proposal, POV First Person, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, Prompt Fic, Simon Snow Loves Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Soft Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Loves Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow in Love, Work is required to make a relationship last, honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25163551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire/pseuds/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire
Summary: [Light mention of sex] 18+ Simon and Baz.I know what this is — it’s a break-up. He wants to leave me.”Simon, please—” I beg him as my hand drops. ”I can't live without you.”He sits back, as if I’ve slapped him.”No,” he practically yells now, his face angry, ”That's not true. That's not how you feel.”Alternative Ending to ”A Price to Pay”. Angst with a Happy Ending.Written for Carry On Tarot, CardDeath.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: The Path You Choose [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1920541
Comments: 19
Kudos: 76
Collections: Carry_On_Tarot_Collection





	I Know it to be True

**Author's Note:**

> Dear reader,  
>   
> I am not familiar with Tarot Cards so this is simply my interpretation of the concept.  
>   
> Death is one of the most feared cards in a Tarot Deck, and it is very misunderstood.  
>   
> Upright Death Meaning: _The Death card signals that one major phase in your life is ending, and a new one is going to start._  
>   
>  This one shot starts out angsty, as it is an AU of [A Price to Pay](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25090345) (my Justice Card for Carry On Tarot). But this time there is a Happy Ending.  
>   
> Sending thanks and love to my amazing betas [mybluebucketofsnow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybluebucketofsnow/pseuds/mybluebucketofsnow) and [Fool of a Book Wyrm (Lafeli85)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lafeli85/pseuds/Fool%20of%20a%20Book%20Wyrm) for supporting me with my fics, both happy and sad. And in general — for being wonderful friends.💙💙💙  
> 

# BAZ

I know what this is — it’s a break-up. He wants to leave me.

”Simon, please—” I beg him as my hand drops. ”I can't live without you.”

He sits back, as if I’ve slapped him. 

” _No_ ,” he practically yells now, his face angry, ”That's not true. That's not how you feel.” 

Simon is getting even more agitated, spitting every word, ”You're better off without me and you know it yourself.”

He’s not even looking at me anymore. I don't believe there is a lot to lose at this point. I take a deep breath.

”You don't have the right to tell me what I feel,” I say and his eyes flicker back to me. Simon hasn't expected a fight. He thought I’d go silently. 

My voice is breaking. I keep going in spite of that, ”When I say that I can't live without you, I mean it, Simon. I mean it with every fibre of my being.”

His face crumples, in sorrow now—not anger.

”Why?” he finally asks me. ”Tell me why. Make me believe you.” His heart is beating faster. Does he see this as a fight? I hear my own heart, faint and go a few beats slower.

“I told you this once before. Only I'm not sure if you truly understood it back then,” I say and extend my hand to him, praying he’ll take it. He does.”I was eleven years old, and I’d lost my mother, and my soul, and the Crucible gave me you.”

”I know that. I remember, but—” He tries to interrupt. 

This time I don't let him finish, ”Simon,” I whisper, ”What I was trying to say is that you're both my family and my soul.”

Now, he’s looking at me and truly listening to me. Possibly for the first time ever...

I bring our hands between us. ”Without you, there’s darkness and everlasting night.” 

I don't stop, it's as if a dam was broken, ”I won't survive that, not the way I am, with the little humanity I have left. You, Simon Snow, make me feel human.”

I can see it in his eyes that he's going to disagree. ”Do you remember the night you showed me the stars?” I ask while he's still listening. 

He’s nodding, ”Of course, I do.”

”At first it was as if you were giving magic to me. Sending it to me. But then the magic was just there. It was mine, in that moment, everything that was yours was mine.” I've never said this before today.

”I don't have my magic anymore. There's nothing for me to give to you,” he argues.

”Simon,” I say, ”It was never about the magic. That was the first time you let me have anything of yours.” 

He seems confused by this admission and I go on, not leaving anything poetically unsaid this time around. ”That's why it was so significant to me. It wasn't me wishing I had your magic. It was me wishing I had _you_ , Simon Snow.” 

I give his hand a light squeeze, ”I always wanted only you.”

Simon has tears in his eyes and I want to console him. I also worry it was too overwhelming, that I shouldn't have said it, that I made him uncomfortable. 

”I love you,” he says, still looking in my eyes and for a split second my heart stops beating altogether before picking up the pace. That's never happened before. 

”Simon,” I say and put all the emphasis on my next words as I can without it coming out too strong, ”I love you, too.” 

I am beyond grateful to finally be able to utter those words. 

He’s shivering slightly and I want to hold him. I still don't know what I am allowed to do.

Perhaps he sees it on my face, perhaps he recognises my fear and has it as well. Simon scoots closer to me and leans into me, taking a fist full of my shirt. I wrap my arm around him and bury my hand in his curls.

It's so quiet for a moment, I hear both of our hearts beating. ”I didn't know,” he whispers through the tears.

”That you love me?” I ask.

”What? No,” he says, ”That _you_ loved _me_. I thought you pitied me, that's all.”

”Simon Snow. The only time I ever pitied you in my entire life,” the word gets stuck in my throat, save for my heart beating faster, I finally manage to push through, ”was because I was the one to love you, ” I admit. ”There were better people, real people that should have given you love instead.”

” _Baz_ ,” I sense him shaking his head, his curls sliding through my fingers. ”How could you think that?”

It should be hard to confess and it is. I still want to, now that we're finally speaking through all that was left unsaid, ”I didn't believe I was good enough for you.”

”Why the hell would you ever think that?” he asks and he sounds confused.

It should be as clear as day to anyone. ”Because of who you are, Simon Snow.” _And who I'll never be_ , I only state it silently inside my own mind, not able to say it out loud — those words get stuck and I suffer the inner pain of being choked on them.

”Because of my magic?” He asks, frowning and not for the first time I wonder how he doesn't get this. I've shown it so many times, I should have said it instead.

”Fuck your magic, Simon. I never cared about that. I cared about _you_ ,” I exclaim; not too loud, just enough to make a point. ”How your face would light up at the sight of something beautiful, how you’d be willing to help anyone, even me, even though you thought I hated you.” 

I take a deep breath and continue, ”How your hair would shine golden in the right light, and how I'd think that you're a much more dangerous fire to me than any other flame.”

Simon’s heart rate skyrockets. As I listen to the hurried stamping of his pulse, I worry I shouldn't have said anything. However, he asked me and so I keep going. ”How when I gazed into your blue eyes I pretended to hate, I would see life. Not the kind I’d want to take — the kind I’d want to share.”

He isn't pulling away and I go on, ”Simon Snow, I’ve wanted you since I was 12 years old. I never wanted anyone else and I never will,” another deep breath, ” _You_ are my end game, no matter if you are going to allow me to have that or not. There is never going to be anyone else but you.” 

My breath is ragged. I've never bared myself like this in front of Simon. I try not to notice how his eyes widen. Still, I'm terrified he’ll think I'm too much, that my love is too great to deal with, too bothersome, impossible to handle, that it'll suffocate him.

”Baz,” Simon says and he’s crying, ”I love you. You don't take life, you eat just like the rest of us have to do in order to survive,” he continues before I get a chance to comment. ”You're a mage and a vampire. You're perfect the way you are.”

Simon must have seen the doubt in my eyes so he adds, ”You’d be perfect even if you were a Normal. You're always going to be perfect for me.”

I let out a shuddered breath. Tears are filling my eyes, it's from joy this time so I simply let them fall. He lifts his head so we’re on the same eye level and wraps his arms around me. It's not an ideal angle, yet he still manages. 

”I love you. I probably did for a very long time, for years,” he finally whispers and reaches for my mouth.

Simon kisses me half the night, he kisses me until my mouth is sore. I thought I had lost him. By sheer luck or possibly the unseen arm of the universe, I haven't. 

It's our first night together on Christmas Eve all over again. Except it's positively better than that. I've told Simon I love him and he said it back. 

_Simon Snow loves me._

”Sometimes it's easier to kiss than to be kissed,” he says it as a confession of sin. I take it as a gift. He’s finally opening up. 

”Then kiss me, Simon Snow,” I whisper in his ear. ”Kiss me every day if you want, anytime you want to. You never have to ask.”

He’s rubbing my stomach and starts slowly moving his hand lower, and I close my eyes—because it feels good. (So good.) Besides, I don't want to scare him with my overeagerness. 

”Baz—” he whispers and I can hear the uncertainty in his voice.

We've tried something similar once before and it didn't go well, did it? I'm terrified. Nevertheless, it's different now. I _think_ it's different. 

”Yes,” I answer his unspoken question, ”Whatever you want, I can assure you the feeling is mutual.”

”You don't know that,” he protests and theoretically he’d be right to speculate on that. However, there aren't any limits of what I’d want to try when it comes to Simon Snow. I always assumed it’d be for the worst. I now know better.

I'm not sure how to state that without scaring him away. Eventually, I settle on an answer, ”Feel free to ask me anything you wish and I will let you know if it's not what I want.”

I hear more than see him swallow, his hand lingers on the waistband of my jeans, ”I want to… I mean do you want to…”

”I do,” I declare calmly as not to startle him, yet firmly so he won't worry I'm being dishonest. 

Simon makes love to me for the first time that night. It could have been awkward but it isn't, not in the sense that takes anything from us. 

We’re lying in bed, I nuzzle my face in the crook of his neck and place a soft kiss.

He shivers slightly, tightens his arm around my shoulder and kisses my head. 

We’re both a bit sweaty and sticky and after Simon told me he loved me this is the most pleasant memory I have. 

I don't know if it makes me vain. I want him in any way he’d let me. I'd gladly hold his hand only for the rest of our lives. 

Still, I've wanted _this_ for a long time. 

I'm clinging to Simon now and hardly want to let go of him. I never want this to end. 

He said he loves me. Words have more meaning for magicians, they contain magic. The more you repeat a spell the stronger it’ll get. 

I'm not sure my love for Simon can get stronger than it already is. So this isn't the reason why I perceive the overwhelming desire to say it again. No, I want to say it since I finally can — after years of craving his love, I have it and I want to keep saying it till the day we die. (I hope I won't live forever due to me being a mage and a vampire.)

”I love you, Simon,” I whisper in his neck, unsure if he heard.

He kisses me again, on my temple now, ”I love you, too.”

My heart is beating as steady as the moment he told me those words for the first time. However, it does skip a beat.

I hold on to Simon, not paying attention to our mess at the moment. We are going to need a shower soon though. 

”Um- Do you want to take a shower with me?” He asks me after a while.

There is only one right answer to that question.

So many first in one day. Perhaps talking about our true feelings was the one catalyst we needed. I should have realized it earlier. I was simply too fearful of losing Simon to think properly. I will never make that same mistake again.

A declaration of love can't solve every problem. It is a start though. 

* * *

I find a medieval faire right here in Britain, and we drive there together. Simon is practising to get his driver's license. He started taking classes. He is doing really well already. I know he'll be an excellent driver.

Simon and I walk by the fortune-teller stand — holding hands. We've been doing that in public. Even if there are less than supportive glances thrown our way. 

I remember him shying away from holding my hand at the airport after a simple glance. Now he kisses me right on the street for everyone to see as if he doesn't care anymore what people might say. 

”Baz, come on,” He drags me into the store.

”I know my future,” I state calmly to him even though my heart flutters. ”I don't need it to be told.”

”It’ll be fun, I promise,” he presses and I concede. I will always give him anything he desires.

He is my universe. The day the Crucible gave me Simon, I got my world back, my life...

The day Simon told me he loves me I was reborn… And changes haven't stopped there. Yesterday he agreed to marry me, to spend the rest of our lives together. It's my true reincarnation. Simon and I as _one_ — two pieces perfectly fitting together. 

Frankly, I would have probably proposed to Simon the day he said he loved me. I felt like I had when I had cast _**”On love's light wings”**_ , as if I could float. I was delirious with happiness. 

However, I wanted something special for us, something that would last for an eternity.

I've saved up on my magic and hanged two stars for Simon, thus creating our own universe. 

_”Your skin is covered with the most beautiful constellations I've ever seen,” I said holding on to him. ”This is my favourite one,” I kissed the mole on his cheek, the one I wanted to kiss since I was twelve years old and cast the spell._

I'm not saying we are perfect or that our whole relationship is. What I'm saying is that Simon and I were meant to be. I believe it now with all of my heart. The heart that’s been feeling utterly undead for the last fifteen years, but less so now that I have Simon Snow’s love.

It's been a month and a half since Simon told me he loved me and my heart beats just as fast as that day. 

So when the fortune teller draws an upright card for Death, I know it to be true. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. 😎  
>   
> I really hope the Death Card has helped to heal the sadness of the Justice Card. 💙💙💙


End file.
